16 Things for ’16

A bit of humor for the new year ...

Don’t like agility, feedback, and change?

Here are some pointers for maintaining or increasing your organization’s rigidity in the coming year, updated for 2016:

  1. Don’t learn anything from last year.
  2. If you think you did learn something, don’t apply it or tell anyone else.
  3. Certainly don’t change any plans you have already made, even if conditions have changed since the plans were made.  And do not make any changes during the year, either.  That would give the impression of fallibility on your part.
  4. Make 2016 plans are completely detailed for the entire company … who will do what and when throughout the year.  There should be no independent actions at any time.
  5. Do not include employee development in the 2016 plan.  Development implies change, and we do not want change.
  6. Base all performance plans on the detailed annual plan, with no provision for changes if anything unanticipated occurs.
  7. Include only individual goals and work plans in performance plans, not team or joint goals.
  8. Have everyone focus only on results for their area, not the overall value provided to customers or total financial results.
  9. Check your HR systems and policies to ensure each employee competes against other employees for raises, bonuses, etc.
  10. Make sure all employees are 100% utilized during the year.  Better to focus on activity and be doing busywork to keep them out of trouble.  Do not focus on results … doing so could lead to change.
  11. Demand innovation but don’t reward innovation or anyone taking risks.  Punish anyone who does something that was not in the 2016 plan or efforts that are not perfect the first time.
  12. Also ask employees to make improvements, but do not allow any “normal” time for making the improvements … and make sure everyone knows that “normal” work comes first.
  13. Hire for the past, not the future, and especially look for “yes people” and those without initiative.
  14. Use narrow, very detailed job descriptions and only allow people to work on what is in their particular job description.
  15. Allow the possibility of change but make the change process so complex and difficult that nothing of consequence will actually be approved.
  16. Leaders should be models of desired behavior.  Therefore, make sure you model command and control, rigidity, and close-mindedness at every opportunity.

By Mike Russell